Two Words to Change The World - The Power of "Thank you"

Thank you!

One of the most powerful changes in my life was when I learned to say "thank you." Not just any thank you, but saying thank you and really mean it, and being sincere and honest about it. In this article, I want to show you to be grateful in any situation, and I will show you how two simple words can mean the world to the people around you.

We have all been thanked for a present, doing something nice, or sometimes simply for being ourselves. It always feels nice to be thanked, and a simple "thank you" can improve the mood of the person you are thanking.

It is easy to be grateful when you are in a positive environment, and I hope you always show how much you appreciate people. Remember how happy you became last time you felt appreciated.

The hard thank you

So it is easy to say thank you in a positive environment. But how do you react when people are angry at you, calling you stupid or worthless?

It is hard to say thank you and be sincere about it in those situations. But my point is that it is precisely in these situations that it is most important to stay positive and give the person who is angry at you the feeling that you hear and understand them.

Let me give you an example from my own life. This example is the first time I ever tried to say thank you and appreciate the person who was mean to me.

I have been building gardens for people for six years, and this often involves using big and loud machines, and sometimes we take up a lot of space on small streets. Because of this, it is not uncommon that some Karen sometimes loses it and get mad at us for doing our job.

In this particular example, we were working in a small residential area. It was Friday, and I was packing up for the weekend. I had to block the street for some time, but I figured this was ok because there are only three houses in the street, so there was not a lot of traffic. It would take me 30 seconds to get out of the way if someone came home while I was working, so I think it is fair that I blocked the street.

So it happens that the neighbor comes home. I could see from afar that she sort of prepared to argue with me. She clearly had an awful day. She stopped the car when she reached me and got out really mad. Yelling at me that I had to move, she was super tired of me blocking the street, and I would have to be gone during the weekend because they would get guests that would have to use the space I used for materials. I want to say that she had a long runway, and there was a lot of other free space in the street, so I thought this was unfair.

I listened to her arguments. When she finished, she was furious and red in the face and puffed up because she anticipated having to argue with me about this. But I just smiled at her, saying thank you for telling me your problems. She was speechless. She didn't expect me to thank her for yelling at me. These two words instantly calmed her down, so I continued the conversation and asked her how much space she needed to make sure she had room for her guests. We figured things out, and she got back into her car with a smile.

This episode was mind-blowing for me. How fast two words could affect the mood of another person. Of course, I had to swallow my pride because I didn't think I did anything wrong. But in this case, it didn't matter who was right or wrong. The important thing is that you listen and understand the other person. It is essential to be honest about your thank you. In this example, I was sincere and grateful that she told me her problems instead of just bringing her bad mood home to her husband and other people. So by starting with these magic words, she instantly calmed down, and it was way easier to ask her how I could help her.

Showing appreciation in these kinds of situations can be challenging. Some argument could be, "if she/he yells at me like that, she doesn't deserve me to be nice." I like giving out good energy and making others' days better. But if you are so selfish that you don't think she deserves a good day, please be nice for your own sake. If you start an argument with another person, you could be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. If you manage to end the argument and even make the other person smile, you will also have a much better day because it will be a good experience instead of a bad day. So no matter what, saying thank you and showing genuine appreciation is always worth it.

The silent treatment

Before writing this post, I asked around in my network to hear how people would react when people were mad at them. The most common response was "the silent treatment." By silent treatment, I mean that they would stay quiet and walk away instead of blowing up. I respect this, and it is better than getting angry and yelling back. But what does it solve? You will probably be feeling sad or angry or some other negative feelings for the rest of the day, and the other person will probably too. It is okay to take a time-out if emotions are running high, but it is always worth it to get back to the person and thank them for coming out with their issues. It is essential to ask about and listen to the problems that made them angry. The silent treatment is better than a heated argument but is not sustainable in the long run. Appreciating the people around you and being thankful for their point of view is what makes a difference.

"Thank you" exercise - The hard one

It is not easy to swallow up pride and honestly thank a person who you feel doesn't deserve it, but the good thing is that it is a skill that you can improve over time.

Think back through the week. Are there any bad situations where someone made you feel less worth, yelled at you, or called you stupid? Maybe you can think of just a simple thing like someone wanting you to do something extra.

Did you get to appreciate what they were trying to say? Try to look at it from their perspective. If they called you lazy, why do you think that is? Did they make you feel worthless? Why do you think that is? Did they call you an asshole? Why do you think they did that?

Now that you have thought about what they did try to say. What questions do you have? Questions could be like, "I can see why you call me lazy, because of this and this, is this correct?" or another question could be, "I got the feeling that you don't think I can do anything right, did you mean that or what things do you think I should improve?

These questions will show the other person that you take them seriously and are curious about their point of view.

Now go back to them and say the magic words. "Thank you, John, for telling me what an asshole I was last week. I didn't mean to be an asshole, and I would love to hear why you think I was wrong. I see that I might have offended you like this, but is there more to it?"

Remember, whenever someone says something about you, it is just feedback on how they see you from their perspective. Sometimes it comes out as a personal attack, but there could be some nice gift in there somewhere when you think about it, something about yourself that you are unaware of. Remember to appreciate and say thank you whenever people open their mouths and give you feedback. Think about it and ask them if you understood what they said correctly or if they could explain it in more depth.

"Thank you" exercise - The easy one

The exercise above can be terrifying and a bit too much out of your comfort zone, so I have a few gentle and easy exercises you can use to warm up to the big one.

The gratitude journal

The first exercise is just a simple journaling exercise. You have probably already heard of it, but it is excellent! I will set it up in 3 easy steps for you so that you can dive into it.

1. Every day, write down 5-10 things you are grateful for. It can be anything, like "the sun is shining" or "today it only took one hour instead of one hour and ten minutes to get to work." You know. Just write down anything you can think of. Do this for at least one week. This will help you focus more on the good stuff that happens to you every day and appreciate life more.
2. When doing this every day, you will start to realize throughout the day which stuff you want to put in your journal in the evening. When you start doing this, I want you to say aloud whenever such a moment happens throughout the day. At first, it can feel a bit odd to say something like, "I am grateful that the coffee machine works today." If it makes it easier, explain why you do it to your co-workers, and maybe even get them to join you and make it a game. This part of the exercise will not only help you appreciate life more, but it will also spread these positive moments to people around you.
3. If you haven't already started it by this step, I now want you to include at least one person in your daily gratitude journal. "I am grateful my wife made dinner" or "I am grateful my co-workers showed up to the meeting on time so we could get started." Remember step 2 and say these things aloud as they happen throughout the day. This step is the final step of this exercise, and it will help you focus on how people's actions affect you and how you can see the positive thing that is happening every day.

This exercise can take a long time, and that is okay. You are welcome to come back and try out the next step when you feel comfortable. There is no pressure, but if you are consistent about it, I promise you that it will change your point of view on your environment and the world around you.

The helper

The 2nd easy to do exercise will feel a little odd at first. But it will help you appreciate hard work, and you will learn to give without expecting anything in return.

In this exercise, I want you to help someone. Ask your friend, spouse, co-worker, or anyone if you can help them with something. It could be cleaning, lifting something, cooking, or whatever they want your help to do.

When you find someone you can help, remember to show appreciation. "Thank you for letting me help you." Why would you thank them? You want to appreciate the opportunity to help other people, and you say thank you because they give you a chance to feel important and valuable. You are grateful for the smile you can provide and the positive effect you can have on people around you. You want to appreciate the opportunity to either fail or win at a task together with someone and, and through that experience, become better at something.

The act of thanking other people for the help you provide might feel weird, but if you do one nice thing for others every day and start appreciating that they give you a chance, I will bet that you also begin appreciating things that others do for you.

Back to the hard stuff

If you have done one or both of the easy exercises, I hope you are now ready for the hard one! The easy exercises are designed to give you more confidence around other people and learn to see the world from a more positive and constructive point of view. If you still have problems, I would love to hear from you and listen to what you struggle with. Please give me the chance to help you in any way I can.

Thank you so much

Please share this with your friends, family, coworkers, and whoever you think should read this. Try out the exercises, and please give me some feedback on what you think! My email is blog@happypetersen.com. I always appreciate feedback and would love to hear your personal stories!

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